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As a fan of Eintracht Frankfurt I am used to many things, but currently it is worse than usual: in five games more points (one) than goals (zero) accumulated. Despite business seats and ample consumption of applewine, the misery is sometimes unbearable. Always when it looks like higher goals can be reached, a setback immediately follows. It would be nice if the athletes would all be subjected to some sort of punishment, like putting them in bathing suits and flip-flops, and making them work as supermodels in the Frankfurt Hollister shops. Up to now the only advantage was the connection to this diva club over the years, allowing for a certain calmness under all circumstances.

A friendly investment banker (a Mönchengladbach fan) gave me the decisive tip: "Emotional Hedging". Before each game, place a nice bet on your team losing. Should they win, your euphoria will make you forget about the money. If they lose, at least you win some money. That is better than interest rate hedging (see below), and you are less upset with the protagonists on the field.

And if the team loses too often, you can invest the money into certain referees. . .